We all have that one thing that drives us crazy if we don’t get it. For some of us, it’s several things. Usually, it’s the approval or infatuation of others we seek out. If someone is not showing interest or attention to us, it can be in our nature to try harder to get that person to notice or like us. This is the wrong approach. Often times we will end up pushing that person or persons farther away by reacting this way. They will sense our neediness, feel awkward, and lose respect for you. Instead, how do we turn the tables? How do we make them come to us with desire? It’s quite simple really. Disdain.
After reading Robert Greene’s, 48 Laws of Power, there was one law in particular that kept my attention long after reading about it. Law 36. The law is titled, “Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge.” This law is applicable to so many situations. It can be used to win someone over, as well as crush one of your enemies. This got me thinking about times where I perhaps came on too strong to someone and ended up pushing them away. Or on the flip side, times where I gave the right amount of space in order to let them come to me. I have plenty of past experiences where both sides of this law show to be true. The easiest example is when a man is trying to win over a woman. Maybe the woman has some interest in the man, maybe she has no interest in the man. It doesn’t matter. The concept behind Law 36 will still hold true. Now, it’s important to note that ignoring someone who doesn’t know you exist obviously won’t work out. There needs to be some attention shown in the woman’s direction. Maybe it’s something as simple as the man introducing himself to her. Maybe the two have known each other for some time and the man is looking for more. Either way, there needs to be some initial contact before Law 36 can be used effectively. We’ve all had crushes before. And chances are if you’re anything like me, then you’ve probably blown your chances with more than a few. However, this is why Law 36 sticks out to me so much. It’s because when I started to use this law to my advantage, the tables started to turn in my favor. Once I knew the psychology behind what I was doing, then I was finding that women and people in general were more interested in me.
We all want what we can’t have. That’s one of the aspects of Law 36. If we portray that someone is not “worthy” or “worth our time” then that encourages that person to chase you, and not the other way around. Showing disdain towards someone can flip the script to where your crushes start to chase you. Another important note here is to recognize the difference between disdain and rudeness. Disdain is more about having a relaxed confidence that portrays a sense of independence. However, this is never an excuse to be obnoxious or mean towards others. It would be rude to completely ignore someone who just asked you a direct question. This obviously is just rudeness and won’t be any help with winning that person over. There is a subtle art to Law 36. You need to be friendly, but short. You need to show a sense of independence and that you have lots of other options. You don’t need their approval. This vibe of disdain will only be intriguing and allow people who you direct this energy towards come to you.
So far, I’ve only touched on one scenario where Law 36 can be useful. However, there are infinite examples where this law comes in handy. For instance, a breakup can be a great time to implement this law. This is certainly is a much more hardcore example of Law 36. Getting “revenge” on someone who hurt you is a lot different than trying to win over your crush. However, the same fundamentals of Law 36 apply, but it’s up to you to determine how it’s most appropriately used. Therefore, this law takes practice. There’s an art to it, or a balance even. In the scenario of a breakup, showing disdain by completely ignoring your ex can be the best revenge. Not to mention, it might also be the healthiest way to get over your ex. The most important thing after a breakup is to get over your ex and to move on. That’s why removing any communication or reminders of her will help with this. The second thing that may be on your mind is to look for a sense of “revenge”. I use this term very lightly because no one actually wants to hurt their ex. However, I know for me, it’s in my nature to want to show that I’m better off without my ex. I wish I didn’t have this feeling, but the reality is that I can’t help it. Showing disdain has not only helped me get over my ex, but also has proved to her, others, and myself that I have moved on and don’t need her anymore. This may make her jealous, this may not. It really depends on the girl. If you want to get back with your ex, this may be a good strategy to win her back. Showing your ex that you don’t need her is a great way to make her more interested in you. Again, we all want what we can’t have.
I could go on and on about various scenarios where Law 36 is applicable. Like if you’re trying to win over your boss, it’s best not to come on too strong. Of course, you feel the need to impress him or her, but only do so where you give plenty of space between interactions. Smothering anyone is a great way to push them away. Don’t overdo your attention on someone. It’s important to know when to ignore someone and when to give someone attention. This is why it’s an art. This is also why it’s applicable in so many areas of life. It could be used to win someone over, or to crush one of your “enemies”. Each scenario may call for a different intensity level of Law 36, but it’s up to you to determine how and when to use it. Master this law, and you will become more intriguing to others and find that people are more drawn to you.
Feel free to leave a comment below. Do you agree? Do you disagree? I’d love to hear both!