How to Let Go – And Why?

              Now that I’m in the dating world, many girls come and go. I’ve been actively trying to go on as many dates as I can with interesting girls. It’s a way for me to get out of isolation, meet some cool people, have sex, and come up with fun things to do. As long as I’m honest with myself and my partners about my intentions and what I want, I don’t seem any harm in it. But along the way, you’ll notice you naturally gravitate towards some girls more than others. We consciously have no control on when this happens or the intensity of this feeling. It’s just a feeling. No one knows why someone likes another person. It’s a feeling that can’t be controlled. I’ll admit, I can be difficult to please at times. However, when I find someone I like, I tend to really enjoy their presence and attention. That’s why it’s even more important for me to know when to let go if the feeling isn’t mutual. There’s nothing worse than one side of a relationship more involved than the other. This is when people get frustrated, people get taken advantage of, and it makes it difficult to move on to find a better mutual relationship. Honesty is key. Honesty about what you want. This goes both ways. For someone who isn’t into you, be honest with yourself and give some space. If there is someone that’s really into you but you not them, then be honest with them about how you feel. This will make everyone’s lives easier. Letting someone down in a blunt manner is far better than leading that person on. Because if you were on the other side of things, that’s what you would rather prefer too.

              Saying this is easier said than done. The hardest part about letting someone go that you like is simply that, to let them go. There’s really no trick or shortcut around it. You need to stop communication. All communication in fact. Reaching out or trying to talk will only separate you even farther from the other person since you aren’t respecting their request. Who knows? Sometimes space can help show what the other person is missing. Space can make the heart grow fonder at times. But that’s not the point. You need to commit and come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and there is to be no further communication. Depending on how serious the relationship was, some measure may require more aggressive approaches. For a little crush where there was no formal relationship established, then simply stopping communication should suffice. If no real damage was done, there is a good chance that a healthy friendship can still bloom. But if that’s too difficult, then maybe wait and see how it feels before accepting a friendship with your ex-crush. For relationships that were formal and lasted at least a year let’s say, there most likely is some hard feelings. At the very least, there will be some tough memories and a loss of attention that is hurting you. If the relationship is over, communication needs to stop. I’m all for being friends after dating someone, but time needs to pass for emotions and feelings to heal and get back to neutral. If there are emotions of any kind whether that be hatred, love, dislike, or jealousy, then you are not ready to hop into a friendship with that person. You need to be neutral towards your ex. And the best way to do this is to stop communication and stop all social media interactions. This includes unfollowing her/him. Following her/him will only make the healing process go much slower. It’s not always easy to do and it may seem like you are being too harsh, but unfollowing your ex is the best way to get yourself back on track. It stops you from seeing what they’re up to, stops you from seeing their face, and stops you from wonder what they are doing or where they are. These are things you need to not care about and the only way to get to this point is by time away from her/him. Think about this. An alcoholic who is trying to quit drinking does not keep booze in the house to tempt him. As a result, a person who just got out of a serious relationship should not tempt himself either with memories, pictures, or communication with his ex. In both these scenarios, there is an addiction that needs to come to an end. And the best way to do this is by getting rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. This means communication, social media, pictures of her, or even gifts she gave you that may stir up feelings in you. This obviously applies to women as much as it does to men.

              So, whether you had a crush or a formal relationship, there are always steps that need to happen to get over someone. Some scenarios require more extreme measures, but the most important thing is to cut ties. This will create space which will be good for you and her. It sometimes may help you two get back together but leave that possibility for much later down the road. You need to heal and become neutral again before taking another stab at a relationship.

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