One of my pet peeves when going out on weekends is seeing insecure guys “posting up” along a wall or bar and not having a good time. Don’t they know that if they only got off their butts and grabbed a girl for some dancing, then their night would be better, the girl’s night would be more fun, and people will start to gravitate towards them? There is always a great illusion that goes on with dancing. I’ve fallen victim to this as well. It can be tough to make the first step to have a good time. There are plenty of times where I’ve been comfortable with just sitting at a bar and not wanting to move. Or if I’m standing along a wall while having a mediocre conversation, it’s not always easy to change your mindset to a fun one. That’s where dancing comes into play.
This weekend, I could be found at a very cool dive bar right by my house in the city. It’s a bar that I always knew was there, but never occurred to me to visit in the 3 years I’ve lived here. I had the wrong impression altogether. I thought it was a crummy townie bar and I would be scolded just for walking in because I was from out of town. Boy was I wrong. I finally made my first and second appearances there this weekend and it was so cool. I’m starting to appreciate smaller, more intimate bars as I get older. I hope that doesn’t make me sound old. There’s just something to be said about nice mature company and well-made cocktails. I’m starting to much prefer this bar scene over a typical rowdy young 20s bar where the drinks stink and everyone is standoffish because they’re trying to be hard to get. This applies to men and women. So now that I’ve painted the scene, let me get back to our regular scheduled program. Dance!
There was a moment when I was at this sweet new bar that I found, having a good time, but not a great time. There was also a new girl out with us that wasn’t normally a part of our friend group. We all new her, but it wasn’t normal for her to be hanging out with us on a weekend. At one point, I saw her playing on her phone and not enjoying the moment. This bothers me when I see this. Not like I take offense to it. It’s more that I want everyone to have a good time and if I see someone not having a good time, I want to do something to change that. So, I asked her if she wanted to dance in the middle of a dive bar with not much room to do so. The music was very Indie and very diverse. At the time, there was a salsa like beat. So, me knowing a bit of salsa, I took her hand, and we went for it. Knowing how to dance like salsa or swing I allows me to be confident enough to do this. Because it’s often that the girl doesn’t know how to salsa or swing, and she relies on me to make the moves and lead her throughout the dance. This is an empowering feeling as a guy. It feels like I’m doing my job as a leader in dance and a pied piper for good times. The moment we started dancing, our moods both changed. I was already in a good mood, but it could’ve been better. I felt more comfortable, confident, and present in the moment as I walked her through the dance, the steps, and the moves. She felt like she was getting attention, which I could see was important at that time since she was new to our group of friends. But more importantly, she wanted to have fun. Who doesn’t? And this simple stupid dance was our passport to fun. We danced for one song and laughed and smiled throughout it. After that, our whole moods changed for the better. It’s always a challenge for guys to breakout of their comfort zone or to get up off that barstool just to grab a women’s hand and take her to the dance floor. But once you do so, you overcome a mental challenge that’s exactly what your mind needs to be more present and happier.
It’s the big illusion of nightlife. For some reason, most guys including myself, feel uncomfortable with dancing. This is a false roadblock. Once you commit to having a good time and not caring what anyone things, your night and the people around you’s night will get 100 times better. Trust me. All it takes is to get off your butt and go dance. Whenever you feel your night could be better, grab the quiet girl or guy and hit the dance floor. You’ll be super glad you did it. It will not only make her feel better, but you will enter into a flow state where only more fun is to come.