I’ve been dating quite of bit recently. And I’ve learned some things while going through this phase. It’s been fascinating to me to really see the differences in people on this planet. I know that sounds obvious, but you really notice it when you start having 1 on 1 conversations quite often with all sorts of people. I’ve been on more than a handful of dates over the past few months and the thing that has stuck out to me the most is how unique each interaction is. You never know how the date is going to go, especially if it’s a blind date and you’re meeting for the first time. It’s only natural to have an expectation going into the date, but all of that goes out the window after 2 seconds of meeting the person. It’s fascinating to me how each interaction goes. Often times on first dates, there are similar topics that come up. Topics like what brought me to the city, what I do for a living, what my hobbies are, and other basic “get to know each other” questions. After going through this routine a number of times, it’s amazing how these responses can vary. Obviously, the content of the response is all the same, but how it comes across, how you say it, and how it’s perceived are all unique person to person. That is what’s so interesting to me for some reason. It’s highlighting something I’ve know all along, which is that we are all unique and every interaction is unique because of that. I can have a similar conversation with two completely different people and one can go great, funny, or smooth while the other may be clunky, awkward, or uninteresting. This may not be the most interesting blog, because this is something everyone knows including myself. But this concept is truly brought to your attention when you have so many social 1 on 1 interactions like I’ve had recently.
So, what do I do with this information? In a way it’s relaxing. My takeaway is that it’s sometimes not up to me how a date or any interaction goes for that matter. It’s entirely unique and a vast amount depends on who the other person is. In a way, it’s encouraging for me to be more of myself and not pretend to be something I’m not. Because in reality, it’s not entirely up to me how the date will go. A lot of it is up to my counterpart, and even more is up to how myself and my counterpart synergize 1 on 1. It’s like there are two parties, and when combined they make something completely new and unique. That’s the piece that I’m interested in. What’s even more interesting is how little control we have over that piece, too. We can say what we say and act how we act, but in reality, the synergy between two people is not so much in just one party’s control. Instead, it’s the combination that really defines a relationship.
The next time you’re out on a date, just relax. I take comfort in the fact that the outcome of the date is not entirely up to me. Dating is a bit of a numbers game. The more chances you take to find a good relationship, the better your chances are for finding what you’re looking for.