I’ve had several relationships in my life. Some good, some bad. And some absolutely horrible. And there’s been one key difference that has separated the positive ones from the negative ones. And that attribute is time. Time is a crucial step when starting a relationship. Having time work it’s magic, for a number of reasons, can help set things off in the right direction. Using time properly, you can make sure you’re next relationship gets all the potential it deserves.
The value of time in a relationship is everything. I’ve had relationships start from a one night stand. Needless to say, these did not last. Unfortunately for me, my young self didn’t know this tip at the time. Using time to become friends. Using time to figure out what makes each other laugh. Using time to gain insight into who they are. All of these are very necessary prerequisites to a healthy relationship. Looking back in my own past relationships, I can honestly say the worse relationships were the ones that were rushed before I or she were even ready. Before we even know what we were. Or even before we knew who each other were. I blame my immaturity. And that’s fine. That’s what led to one of the best relationship advices I can offer.
But don’t you believe in love at first sight? Sure, I guess so. But take that with a grain of salt. Love at first sight is not love. Let’s modify that to interested at first sight. That makes so much more sense. I’ve have certainly been interested at first sight. Many times in fact. But interested still means you have to get to know her. It still means you should understand her wants, your wants, and who she is before making any sort of commitment. Interested is the perfect time to go on an old fashion date.
This is a topic I love discussing with my friends. Asking a girl out on a date. Just do it. Look at it this way. Even if you get rejected, you now know that girl is not interested in you. So you can finally move on. It’s a lot better than playing out fake scenarios in your head about what’s going to happen with the two of you. Get it over with. Both answers are good. A ‘yes’ means you’re going on a date. And a ‘no’ means you don’t have to wonder if she likes you anymore. Both providing positive feedback.
Going on dates is important. A lot of potential couples, especially nowadays, try to get to know each other through texts or Instagram messages or so on. I’d hold on off on this just slightly. Obviously you have to text her about plans and such. But, to text all day is way too much. Instead, man up and ask her out on a date. Then tell her what you wanted to say or ask her what you wanted to ask. Face to face dates are important and somewhat of a lost art. Take your time with this. Don’t rush into the next date. Take some time to process what happened and how you feel. This is not only for you, but also your potential partner. She most likely needs time to react, process, and understand what’s going on. Taking your time is the only way to preserve all of this.
Another great effect taking your time has is that it doesn’t make you appear desperate. Coming off as desperate is one of the best ways to push someone away from you. Taking your time will not only show that you aren’t in any rush, but also show that you may have other options. Whether you do or not is not important. What is important is that you give each other your space when you aren’t together.
Time is important, yes. But equally important is timing. Compatibility is largely dependent on timing. Timing of where you are in life. Timing of where they are in life. Timing of work. Timing of your desire to travel. Timing of your schooling. Timing of your family. Timing of your desire for single fun. There are so many factors involved with compatibility. So, if timing is off then there’s nothing you can do. And that’s fine. There’s millions of girls out there. Don’t get caught up on just one that you barely knew.
Time. Time. Time. Give the both of you some space in the beginning. Moving too fast can scare people away. It can also lead you to a relationship you weren’t expecting or with a girl you didn’t really know. The point of time is to weed out any potential pitfalls in the relationship. Knowing who she is, what she wants, her sense of humor, what type of person she is, is it good timing, and so on are all crucial and are all answered when you give you and your partner time.