Everyone has crushes. But there is a lot of uncertainty when it comes to what to do and how to appropriately approach the situation. If you have a crush, chances are you don’t just want to get into her pants. You probably have a crush because there is something else besides looks that is attracting you to her. If you’re just looking for a way to get laid fast, then close this window and look somewhere else. This blog is more about the long-term chase. And by long term, I mean over months at a time. I know a lot of guys that are very good at picking up a girl in one night and sleeping with her. However, lots of those same guys are particularly bad with holding on to that girl. On the other hand, there are lots of guys that aren’t necessarily good at closing the deal on the first night but are dynamite for a longer-term relationship as in 3+ months. And this is what I would like to write about for this blog. I use the word “chase” because that’s exactly what it is. You will feel on top at times then suddenly feel like you’re losing, then before you know it, you’re back on top. So here are some tips that I’ve experienced to be very useful.
- TALK TO OTHER GIRLS – This is the best thing you can do to try and win over a girl. Even if you have a crush, talk to other girls. This will have multiple effects. The first effect is that your crush will see you are able to talk to other girls. This will make her more comfortable talking to you. Another effect this will have is that you won’t hold off on just one girl. Holding off for just one girl before your relationship has a chance to ramp up is not a good idea whatsoever. By doing this, you’re already assuming that you will end up with her. You will raise false expectations in your own head as well as probably weirding your crush out because she sees you only try talking to her and will think that you don’t have other options. Be in abundance! Don’t make this mistake. It’s OK to go on dates with different girls while you’re single. If you haven’t escalated a relationship with a girl, then date and talk to as many girls as you can. You don’t want to be boggled down by one girl. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. This will give you more confidence since you have more options. This will also limit you from overthinking or becoming depressed if you don’t get your chance with your crush. This will spread out your risk and you will feel better about yourself and your crush will see you are wanted by other women. Girls want what other girls want. So, if you are perceived by the image that girls like talking to you and want to be with you, this will only impress other girls.
- DO NOT PUT HER ON A PEDALSTOOL – This is very important and similar to my last point. Yes, you may be going crazy for this one girl, but remember she is just a person with problems and flaws just like the rest of us. Giving her all of your attention and letting your night rely on whether she talks to you or not is a great way to set yourself up for disappointment. One of the best ways you can do this is by talking/dating other girls as I explained in my last point. Another way to do this is to not smother her! Don’t come on too fast. Don’t be too much. Guys love the chase. And guess what…so do girls! You want to find the balance between pushing her away and pulling her to you. It’s OK to be a little cold during one interaction, then another interaction you show her lots of charm. Socially when we experience this, we see people who start off cold then warm up tend to have more of an effect than if a person is just warm during the whole interaction. This is because the person on the other side will think that she had something to do with the guy warming up. The “push-pull’ method is one of the best ways to attract people. Keeping people on their toes and having yourself not be so predicable is a good way to keep people interested in you. One method I have found useful is to have a conversation with the person (girl or guy) right next to your crush. This will show her you’re not obsessed with her and show right in front of her that you are able to have an interesting conversation while her guard is down. If she joins in on the conversation, then she just showed a sign of interest. Don’t be confused with thinking she is interested! She may not be. It’s just a sign of interest.
- START AN INSIDE JOKE – This is one of my favorite things to do with anyone, girl or guy. Having an inside joke brings two people together very well. It is a bond that only you and the other person will share. When talking to your crush, look for opportunities to expose potential inside jokes. A good way to do this is if you see a trend or she keeps saying certain things, repeat those things back to her in a playful manner or softly tease her about it. The first time she might not pick up on it, but if you keep doing it with confidence and a little playful laugh along with it, then she will definitely start to pick up on it for sure. She will start to think it is funnier the more often you do it, but don’t overdo it because then it won’t be funny anymore. Look for the topics or subjects that she affiliates with the inside joke and utilized those instances to drop the inside joke.
- ASK HER OUT – A lot of guys make asking a girl out way too big of a deal. I understand where their concern comes from but looking at it in a more rational way could influence you to just go for it. Here is wear it is helpful to just say, “screw it” and do it. But first, look at it this way. So you like a girl. Great. However, you don’t know if she likes you. That’s a problem for a lot of guys and can drive some people mad with overthinking and playing out various fictional scenarios in their heads. So, look at it this way instead. If you ask her out, two things can happen. She can say ‘yes’ or she can say ‘no’. If she says ‘yes’ then great, you get a chance to show her who you really are out on a date. If she says ‘no’, then that’s still great! Now you know she is not interested and now you can move on with other girls. Wouldn’t you rather know if she likes you or not rather than constantly wondering and overthinking. Even if she says ‘no’, it’s better to know that so you can stop worrying as opposed to wondering and overthinking. So just go for it and ask her out. You honestly have nothing to lose. Both answers provide you with information that will help you move forward with your dating life.
- KNOW WHEN TO STOP PUSHING – This point is mostly meant to be applicable for after a date, but still is applicable before a date as well. Knowing when to back off and give her space is a very tough thing to figure out. It’s important to figure out the balance of how much attention she wants and when she wants her space. And to add to the complexity, this is different for every girl. When you feel texts back and forth are slow with short responses, stop pushing. If you feel her attention is elsewhere when you are having a conversation, stop pushing. Let her be who she is. Don’t force yourself on her because she will not like this. You want to make her trust you that you are able to let her be herself and if you are forcing yourself onto her then she most likely will get defensive and try to look for a way out. This isn’t a one night stand. You want this to mature over time. Even after you go on a date or two, show her that you are able to talk with other girls. Don’t lock in on just her at this point. Now if thing pick up, that’s different and yes you should probably give other girls less attention. But in the early stages, it’s ok and actually your crush will like it and make her more attracted to you. You want to make her think that she wants you a little more than how much you want her. And the only way to do this is by playing it cool over time, being patient, and knowing when to back off and go into the “no contact zone”. If she starts to ignore you, then you have to back off and let her be. Focus on other girls. It will not only take your mind off of her, but it will also make yourself more attractive to her and other girls because girls want what other girls want. This may be frustrating, and you may want to speed up the process, but if your crush isn’t ready for that then doing so will only leave you hurting. Let her come around to you over time and utilize the “push-pull” method here and leave her alone if she wants her space.
After every new girl that I come across, these tips become more and more obvious. It takes a lot of focus and self-awareness at first when you are trying to apply these, but it for sure gets easier. Utilize these tips to chase after your crush and remember not to smother her. Girls like to chase too so give them a chance. If you have any other tips or suggestions on this topic, please drop them below in the comments. Hope this helps.